Promblems of being a PERFECTIONIST….!

Neat,Clean and Tidy – My favourite words that i apply through out my life. I want my surroundings to be this way. For me every single thing should have its own place. Starting from a safety-pin to my long kurthas, i have an order. Whenever or wherever i am this is the main thing that i look upon to. A routine which i love the most and iam obsessed with which i believe i cant avoid doing it in my life time.

Messed up life is what i hate the most. Keeping things here and there without any proper order, everything mingled, putting stuffs one after the other – this is not my way. I cannot digest all these things. I hate such a lifestyle. Do you have the same character? Some of you might have. If so then you are a Perfectionist. Yes you heard it right a perfectionist ‘.

This term was a completely new discovery for me and it was a shock when i realized the above mentioned characters are the symptoms of a perfectionist. That means perfectionism is not a normal thing. It is a problem a kind of disorder.

I never felt myself to be a perfectionist. I do things in this manner and i love doing it in this way only. But i never thought like i am the perfect one. Many people do the same in a much better way than me. So it never really matters but what matters is that i always feel like if someone is having the same character or if only iam having this. Everything should be in a correct way without any mess otherwise it makes me feel so bad.

This kind of a feeling has always disturbed me a lot. But my recent discovery proved me wrong. There are several other people who also face the same problem. They also have the same character/symptoms just like me. So what is this? How can you deal with it? Thats what i am going to tell you.

It’s not a big issue if you realized that you’re having that problem and you will work to fix it just like any other thing.

Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by a persons striving for flawless ness and setting high performance standards accompanied by critical self-evaluation and concerns regarding others evaluations.

So basically it’s a mental issue. Even though the word seems to be cool, the problems that it creates is not so cool. Only a person who has the character can understand it better. Being a perfectionist is a very difficult task. They face a lot of problems. Below are some among them.

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1) Low self-esteem:-
This is one of the major problems they face. These people will have very low self-esteem because they always tend to do more and more to get it perfect according to them which is actually impossible. A mentality which always says like this is not enough you have to do more, you are not grownup, still growing ect..These thoughts gradually makes them feel they are not capable of doing it. Even though they achieve something it takes more time than a normal person does just because of their low self esteem.

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2) Stress, anxiety and depression:-

These three things will be there in their life always. Just like siblings. Because they always feel like “i didn’t do that, i want to do that again to make it better, if i had got one more chance i will do it perfectly, it’s not enough, I have to give more “. They are not satisfied at all. Such thoughts will makes them stressful which gradually increases their anxiety all the time and they slip to depression finally.

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3) Negative approach towards life:-

They always see only negative sides. Positive sides will be hidden for them. Whatever life throws in front of them, their tendency to think will be towards the negative side. They can’t find good in any thing.

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4) Relationship problems:-

A perfectionist find so difficult to cope up with his partner,who is a normal character as he will always find faults in everything that his partner does because he cannot digest things which are in imperfect manner. So as a result quarrels and shoutings all happens which leads to cracks in their relations.

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5) Procrastination:-

These people procrastinate a lot. Because they feel like they can do it better tomorrow by which they will not do it on the day. They will keep it for the next day which again leads from day to days.

So these are some of the main problems that every perfectionist face and as you all know every problems will have some solutions aswell. Just like that perfectionist also have remedies to get out from their imaginary so-called ‘perfect’ life and to live normally. Some of the solutions are down below.

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The most important thing is to accept the universal truth that is, nothing in this whole world is perfect. There is no need to be perfect. No human being’s are perfect. Each and every one will have their own flaws. When you start realizing that gradually you can be free from this perfectionist mentality. Then you can start working to fix it.

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After realizing this as a problem,the next thing is to find the source from where you get such a character. It may be from your childhood experience when your parents told you to do everything in a correct way which has become a mark on their minds at that young age itself. Which gradually made them as a perfectionist. If not from childhood then it may come from the effects of media. When you are that much involved in media, this may occur. Because medias as an imaginary world will only have perfect people. You cannot find any hero/heroines to be imperfect. They does everything, singing, dancing, fighting etc…..in a perfect manner which has influenced you to be just like that. So be alert while watching and addicting in medias. Other than these genes can also make you the same.

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After knowing this the next main solution is to get rid of negative thoughts by believing that there are two sides for everything and you have to choose only the positive side of everything that comes in your life and you have to note it down so that it will be there in your mind always. Make it as a habit then eventually you will start seeing goodness in everything.

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Next remedy is to stop Procrastinating. Always tell your self that there is no tomorrow. Whatever you have to do, do it on that day itself. Never delay them. You will feel relaxed when your tasks are done.

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Last and the final solution is to enjoy the whole process regardless of th results,when whatever happens in your life. Perfectionist usually can’t do this. They carry a large sack full of tensions untill they find the results of the process. Avoid such unnecessary tensions and just enjoy the process. Our life is to enjoy, not to be fixed inside any struggle boxes.

So these are some of the solutions that a perfectionist can apply in their lives. Another important thing I have to tell you is that even though i am having this problem, the causes and the solutions are not discovered by myself. It solely depends upon a speech that i recently heard by a famous HRD trainer and a personal coach Mr. Madu Baskaran. Who also runs a YouTube channel which is watched by more than 1 million people all over the world. All thanks to him and my Almighty for letting me know.

Hope you all like it and found it helpful too. Thankyou……

Untill next time……

Be positive an stay happy…….

Rubeenafaisal……